Christ in the Chaos: A Review

I remember growing up, painting or drawing a piece of art would be a common thing for me to do. When I was close to finishing up the piece, I would show my parents the almost-finished product for their opinion. To them, these pieces of art were beautiful. To me, there was always imperfections and room for improvement. I was critical and always very hard on myself as an artist. I remember my mom telling me that "You are your worst critic." Oh how true it is! 

In reading Christ in the Chaos, I have had the opportunity to examine my heart, especially in regards to the motives of my heart.  My motives seem to be driven from high expectations from myself and false (or perhaps nonexistent) expectations from others.  I will never meet these expectations.  I will always find myself lacking.

No matter how I may see myself lacking---a canvas painted with many imperfections and mistakes---God sees me as a perfect masterpiece because He sees Christ. You see, I can continue to try to improve and cover up my bad brush strokes and blemishes. I will. It's in my nature. I can continue to care about what other people think and seek their approval. That, too, comes very natural. Even as I write this post, my sinful heart seeks your approval and many views from my followers---all 14 of them. But, those things don't matter. All God sees is Christ! Not my imperfect paintings or my blog posts seeking approval! Oh, and for that, I am so very thankful! That drives me to obedience. I pray that The Lord continues to work in my heart and that I would more often look to Christ and not to what others think of me. 

 Now, I have a confession to make.  Christ in the Chaos is the first book written to women (but not only for women) that I have finished since I became a mother.  I started plenty, but I was never motivated to finish them because they showed me my weakness (the weakness I already very well knew of!) and didn't show me Christ.  Yes, they showed me passages in Titus or Ephesians or Proverbs which are great reminders of how I am to act as a woman.  But I always would become discouraged because I could not live up to those expectations.  I always mess up.  Always.  This was the first book that not only assured me that would happen, but pointed me to Christ in that he has already done all the work for me.  Now, I need to clarify that this doesn't make me lazy.  Quite the opposite.  This amazing outpouring of God's grace drives me to repentance and obedience.  In fact, that grace is the same grace that sort of "smacks the sense" into me with I go on a sinful rant when something (or many things) don't go the way I think they should.  Kimm points that out several times in this book.  And it is true!  It's truly extraordinary what God's grace can do!

One of my favorite passages from Christ in the Chaos is as follows: 

"Mothering has taught me how very weak I really am, and that is a hard, hard truth to accept.  But by living in my weakness, I see more and more how powerful God really is.  I come to understand that his power is shown to be perfect through my weakness and failures."  

Oh!  How I relate to how mothering has truly shown me my extreme frailty as a human being!  What comfort to know that especially in our weakness, God is showing His power!

Summing up the same chapter, Kimm writes, "Let me encourage you to take off the "strong mother" mask and embrace your weakness.  Stop hiding the very inadequacy God wants to use to display the gospel.  Believe his grace is sufficient.  Allow his power to be made perfect in you and then boast!  Boast all the more gladly so the power of Christ may rest upon you.  In your weakness, you will be made strong."

One of the chapters in Christ in the Chaos addresses the "Masks" that we put on in order to "fake it" so that we may get the approval, acceptance, and love of others.  I am constantly, in the deepest, darkest center of my soul, comparing myself to everyone around me.  Whether it be the mother at church who has more kids than me and somehow seems to be holding it together very well, or the mother who home-schools with several little ones with what looks like ease, or the mother who manages to find time to weight lift and compete and has more muscles than I would ever know what to do with.  I am constantly seeking the approval of my own self.  My "self" tells me that I need to have the kitchen sparkling everyday, that my kids don't need to watch any TV (Ha!), that I need to workout six days a week, and that I can never show any weakness to my kids, my husband, or my peers.  I have to constantly battle this.  Kimm shares that she does too.  That makes this book different than all the rest that I ~ahem~ started to read.  She says that these things will always be a struggle, but to run to Christ---to remember (Christ's work on the cross and how it relates to YOU daily), to repent (daily of those sins and desires to do it on your own) and to rest (in knowing that Christ has FINISHED the work for you.  He has paid it all.  We owe nothing.) REST!  What a truly freeing concept!  

Here is where I am going to say that if you have not read this book, READ IT.  It is only $9.99 in paper form and $5.99 in Kindle form.  I knew Kimm before reading this book, but even if I hadn't, I would feel as if she is one of my dear and closest friends after reading this book.  She is the first woman who has said to me, "You will fail. And when you do, run to Christ.  Rest in Him." I appreciate that honesty so very much.  And for that reason, as Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables) would put it, I feel as though the author of this book and I are "Kindred Spirits."  I know she has gone through (nearly in earthly terms) hell and back as a mother.  I know she understands me and my weakness.  I know she prayed that it would effect me and everyone else who ate up the words from cover to cover.  I am so very thankful that God has used her life ---from the seemingly bottomless pit of despair she was in to the completely freeing Grace of God that she has come to know as a mother--- to speak to women who really, really needed to hear how the Gospel changes motherhood.  Thank you, Kimm, for the love, effort, prayer, and hours you poured into this book. 

Christ in the Chaos: What Sweet Truth!!!

I just received Christ in the Chaos by Kimm Crandall in the mail a few days ago.  For two days in a row, I got some much needed (and very rare) quiet time while my two youngest napped.  So, I took a break from my chaos---from my kitchen counter stacked with dishes, from my living room with couch pillows strewn about, from the laundry in the washer waiting to be transferred to the dryer before it gets sour, from the already wrinkled clothes needed to be folded in the dryer, and read the first two chapters of this book.  As I sat down and started to read the forward by Elyse Fitzpatrick, my two cats got into a fight in the kitchen and the patio umbrella fell down from a gust of wind outside.  I silently laughed.

I had a good idea of what the first chapter would be about.   I met Kimm about eight years ago through my husband, who is an old friend of Kimm and her husband, Justin.  Several years ago, I remember sitting at Kimm's table and her telling my husband and I that she came to the conclusion that see wasn't a Believer---that she was trying earn her favor with God and that she was working through those things.  She believed that she had been saved since then.  I saw the changes in her shortly after I became a mother.  Instead of conversations on homeschooling or how to make your own sour cream, I started to enjoy long, late-night Gospel-centered conversations with her when her family slept over at our house.  I value her candidness and honesty as a fellow mother.  I even breathed a big sigh of relief when she told me she used paper plates all the time, just like I did.  Her willingness to "rest" in the Christ and the Gospel has been such an blessing and an example to me.  I am so thankful that she encouraged me to steer clear of those "dress-wearing, child-bearing, homeschooling, bread-baking, perfect-living" blogs that I naturally had an interest in (not that there is anything wrong with those things themselves, but you know what I mean).  With that said, reading chapter one of Christ in the Chaos still brought me to tears.  I struggle with focusing on Christ's faithfulness to me.  I struggle with beating myself up if I don't get my bed made in the morning, or if Jackson is late for school, or if I drop 3 dollars worth of Greek yogurt on the floor, or forget to buy the butter (all of which happened yesterday).  I must admit, those things, at the moment, seem tragic to me.  My sinfulness creeps into my heart and mind and the truth I know---that Christ is faithful, even with all my shortcomings, HE IS FAITHFUL---becomes harder to grasp in those moments.  It is in hindsight, perhaps moments later, or hours later, that I realize His faithfulness despite my imperfections, and the chaos, once again, becomes strangely dim.

At the end of each chapter, Kimm has a few questions for the reader entitled "Getting Real."  Here are my answers:

Chapter One
1)  A summary of my testimony:  I was very young when death and mortality became a reality.  I saw a man drop from a heart attack right in front of me.  My mom was in and out of the hospital with severe, sometimes deadly illnesses.  My friends were murdered at a very, very young age.  My dad was diagnosed with Melanoma.  Not only that, I saw that I couldn't depend or rely on the material things of this world.  [Parent's] Jobs are lost.  Houses are lost.  This all happened before or around the age of ten.  Sometime in the mix of those trials, I was saved.  I had said The Prayer at five, but I surely didn't understand the Gospel then.  It was when I realized that everything was out of my (and my parents') control, when I realized that the things I relied on the most wouldn't always be there, when certainty became uncertain, that Christ showed me his faithfulness, despite my sinfulness and my undeserving of favor.   I, too, like Kimm, rededicated myself many times to God, but I remember realizing that just because I still sinned, didn't mean I was no longer a Christian, or had fallen any farther from God's favor.
2)  What do you think makes someone a "Good Christian?"  Why?  What makes someone a "Good Christian" is absolutely nothing.  I can do nothing to become a "good Christian."  God does His work in me.  He changes my heart.  His son, Jesus, covered me and all my impurities so I am spotless and blameless to him.  What a sweet relief!  I'm not saying that I don't struggle with trying to be good, or patting myself on the back when I do something that would look good to others.  It is a struggle to remember these truths in the midst of sin!
3)  What do you find yourself putting your faith in today?  Does the hope you have in your parenting, marriage, or ministry override your hope in the finished work of Christ?  What does it really mean to "rest" in Christ?  I find myself putting my faith in myself and my abilities (or lack thereof) to clean house, cook, and take care of my family in a way that pleases others.  This is a struggle of mine.  Christ always seems to reel me back in to the reality that none of that matters and that I need to "rest" in him.  But, sometimes, that may be after my sin has gotten the best of me and I've wallowed in my frustration, anger, or resentment for a few hours.  Resting in him to  me, looks like this:  Instead of running around all day cleaning, cooking, washing, and tirelessly taking care of kids, then, then throughout the day, throwing up prayers to God in tough moments, "Oh! Lord, please help me!", not expecting, or having faith in the how much I complete in a day.  Resting in Christ means knowing that it doesn't matter if I get the laundry washed, the dishes loaded, or the kids bathed.  Although I will continue to try and do those things in order for my family to function, I have the comfort to know that no matter what shortcomings I have, Christ will always be faithful, and he is my portion.  As 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
4)  What assures you of your salvation?  Are you afraid that if your commitment to God waivers, then he will drop his commitment to you?  What does 2 Tim 2:13 tell us about God's faithfulness?  I am so very thankful that my salvation does not depend on anything I can do.  It is a gift.  I often cling to Ephesians 2:8-9 in regards to salvation.  "For by grace you have been saved through faith.  And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast."  There is nothing I can do to earn my salvation, and there is nothing I can do for it to be taken away.  2 Timothy 2:13 is a wonderful reminder that no matter how much we screw things up or don't accomplish what we think we should have accomplished, no matter what, He is still faithful.  What a relief, isn't it?

I have completed the first two chapters of Christ in the Chaos, and there are so many sweet truths that God is using Kimm to remind me of.  I look forward to reading chapter 3 today!

PS:  If you are a mother, I would recommend this book, even though I've only read the first chapters.  That is how good they were.  So, buy the book here:  http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Christ+in+the+Chaos

Day 13: DIY Verse of the Week Chalkboard

I'm so excited about this project because I've wanted to do this for a while!  The cost of one of these on Etsy is 20 bucks.  That is a few dollars too much if you can do it yourself so easily!  I bought the frame pictured above for two dollars at a garage sale a couple years ago and never have used it.  I bought dark primer (as recommended by the lady in the paint department at Home Depot) and chalkboard spray paint for around 8 dollars.  That cost and the little effort put into this project is much worth having a different verse each week hanging up in the middle of my home!  Troy get's John Piper's Fighter Verses on his iPhone each week, so I think I will just put those verses on the chalkboard.

Now, just to forewarn you, if you are planning to put this chalkboard within the reach of children, find another chalkboard tutorial!  We are turning the glass into the chalkboard, which is perfectly fine if handled by adults.

Without further ado, here is how you do this simple project!

You will need:
Dark Primer Spray Paint
Chalkboard Spray Paint
Old Frame with Glass
Newspaper
A safe place to spray paint (open-air, not windy, not wet.)

How to:

1.) Take the glass out of the frame.  Clean and dry it.
2.) Lay out newspaper, making sure to secure it with tape or something heavy to weigh the ends down.
3.) Put the glass on the newspaper.  Follow the instructions on the primer can.  Prime the glass.  Let that dry and repeat with another coat.  Let dry.
4.) Follow the instructions on the chalkboard paint can.  Spray glass with paint.  Let dry.  Repeat for a total of three times.  Let dry 24 hours.
5.)  Take a piece of chalk and turn it sideways.  Rub chalk evenly into chalkboard.  Wipe clean with dry cloth.
6.)  Write your verse or whatever you wish to on the board.  Put back in frame and put it out of children's reach!  Mine is going to hang on the end of our upper kitchen cabinets where everyone can see, but not touch! :)

God cares for the...Cats.

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 

  Matthew 6:25-26

Madelyn brushing her kitty one last time before she left for her new home.

This post, as are most of my posts, is way overdue.  Mid summer, we started noticing behavior in one of our cats that was most disturbing to our life and were told by the vet it was most likely because we had two other cats.  The vet told us that she would do better in a single-cat home.  I called the Humane Society and they told me that they would most likely have to put our cat, Abby, down because she would be considered "un-adoptable" because of her behavior issue.  This tore me up inside.  My kids LOVE this cat.  She was so sweet to them and always enjoyed their attention.  I called every "no-kill" shelter within our county and the three nearest counties.  Everyone said the same thing: they had too many cats!  It seemed like all hope was lost.  I was so stressed out.  My stomach was in knots about the thought of putting this kitty down.  My worries were even affecting me physically.  I was bringing these worries to God in prayer, yet, I don't know if I was really letting Him take the burden.

In her new book, Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing, Sally Loyd-Jones writes about worry.  She says, "Worry is thinking we know better than God how something should go."  WOW!  Isn't that so true, yet, convicting?  This is a children's devotion, but it sure does a good job at speaking to adults!

In mid-August, I put a plea on Facebook for someone to take this kid-friendly cat.  It took a few days and a few phone calls, but a Facebook friend kindly offered to take our cat.  Madelyn's heart is still sad when she thinks of her kitty friend that is now with another family.  I remind her that the family is loving her and she is happy there.  The relief of our cat, Abby, finding a loving home was HUGE!  Oh!  How I wish I remembered how God cares for his creatures...be it a bird or a cat!  How I wish I didn't so easily forget that He cares for ME!  He knew of the heavy burden on my heart for this cat!  Let us be more like the birds when it comes to our worries.  God always cares for His children!

(By the way, if you are interested in Sally's new book, Haven Today, the radio show my husband produces, is doing a series on it.  Please give it a listen! http://www.haventoday.org )

24 Days of Thanksgiving: Day 1

It is really hard to start out twenty four days of Thanksgiving.  I mean, I do have a lot to be thankful for, but deciding on what to write about first isn't easy.  The first thing that comes to mind today is my children.  I have to be honest.  This morning started out pretty rocky for them.  For the most part, they slept in, which was a direct result of last night's Reformation Night Event that Troy and I put on at church.  They had so much fun and were out late (due to cleaning up after the event), that despite the efforts of two exhausted parents, they got to bed around 11pm last night.  This morning, the candy won at last night's event was on the kitchen table.  In hindsight, I should have put that away before they got up.  So much for hindsight.  Also on the kitchen table was their breakfast.  I requested that they eat their breakfast before eating any treat.  Normally, I wait until after lunch for all things sugar, but, I thought I would make an exception today.  I left the room for a minute to check on Owen and before I knew it, Jackson and Madelyn both had Tootsie Roll Pops in their mouths and their breakfast still on their plates.  I proceeded to take the suckers away, which was followed by a tantrum from Madelyn and a request by Jackson to go to his room.  Yes.  You read that right.  He asked to be sent to his room.  I had to nurse Owen, so, Madelyn went on crying and Jackson was sent to his room.  Breakfast is still on the table.  And, the candy is now hidden---probably won't reappear for quite some time.

It is a morning like this that I need to remind myself how much these children mean to me.  God has blessed me with them and given me the responsibility to raise them up in a way that glorifies Him.      I am very thankful for that opportunity.  As Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."  I am so very thankful that God has given me these three precious creations of His.  And it is with that thankful heart that I am reminded that I need to give these children grace, just as Christ has given me grace.  As it says in Ephesians 4:32, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."  This doesn't always come easy on mornings like these.  However, when I think of Christ forgiving me, and all the silly, stupid things that I may do, and how He constantly shows me His grace and mercy, it does come a bit easier.  I pray for patience in dealing with these kids that I love so much.  I know that it is primarily by example that they will learn what grace is.

And with that, I am so very thankful for all the little things that they do to bring joy to my heart.  I'm thankful for the witty and insightful view Jackson gives me on the world.  I'm thankful that, even at just barely four years old, he shows an interest in Christ.  I'm thankful for Madelyn's spunky personality, and the silly smile she gives me when she is pleased with something.  I'm thankful that she is so very loyal to her siblings---the love and adoration she shows for Jackson is pretty priceless.  I'm thankful for Owen's sweet and happy spirit.  No matter how tired or hungry he may be, he always has a smile to give.  I marvel at these precious gifts God has given me!  I pray that I remember how thankful I am for these children no matter the occasion---when Madelyn puts crayons in her pajama feet and they are melted all over several loads of clothes in the dryer---when Jackson refuses to eat his breakfast, lunch, or dinner (that happens often)--- or when Owen is wide awake at 11...1...3...5...  You get the idea!

Thoughts for the Lord's Day: Help the weak.

Photo credit: http://www.sunday-school-ideas-for-new-teachers.com/thessalonians-bible-study.html

Troy spoke on this passage during a school Chapel a few weeks ago, and I believe is preaching on it next week at church. So, naturally, he has been bringing it up often. I decided to look at it to experience the richness of the passage myself. Paul is writing to the the Thessalonians---encouraging them and reminding them of some really good things for us as Christians to remember. The whole book of 1 Thessalonians is filled with good reminders to Christians. Take a look:

(Final Instructions and Benediction) 1 Thessalonians 5:12-22

[12] We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, [13] and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves. [14] And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. [15] See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. [16] Rejoice always, [17] pray without ceasing, [18] give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. [19] Do not quench the Spirit. [20] Do not despise prophecies, [21] but test everything; hold fast what is good. [22] Abstain from every form of evil.

Now, there are several good reminders in that passage, however, the verse of Troy's focus is verse 14. This has been a challenge of mine lately. I think of things I can do more for people at our church, our food bank, the neighbor down the street. But, I admit, when I read this verse, I mainly I think of my mother who is very ill right now. She is currently out of my reach, as she is away from home in Washington right now. My brother and sister-in-law are taking care of her. She is very weak physically, and just a call or video chat from the kids, Troy, and I lights up her day. I am challenged to encourage her more spiritually as well. I need to pray with her on the phone. I need to encourage her more with scripture. She can't see that well right now, but could use a good devotional on CD perhaps.

In the busyness of the day, it is so easy to forget these simple things. I pray that, with the Lord's help, I remember them.

Oh, Anxiety!

Photo Credit

I am in the habit of being anxious lately. I'm anxious about getting organized because if we organized our time better, I wouldn't be anxious about getting ready for church on time, not having Troy's shirts ironed, not having time to clip coupons before I go grocery shopping, not having time to exercise....anxious about the yard looking terrible after the rain...anxious about making the family's dental appointments...anxious about eating more fruits and veggies...feeding Jackson more fruits and veggies...anxious about getting Madelyn on a nap schedule...or wondering if there is such a thing for her...anxious about....

Well. You get the picture, right? I would say that lately anxiety has ruled most of my life. A million thoughts are going through my mind at any given moment and there seems to be no stopping them. Quick prayers, sometimes outloud in somewhat of a desperate plea for help, are said, but I still am anxious. Then, while catching up on my Bible reading this morning---and I must admit, I felt some anxiety about that too--- I came across this passage. Even though I have read it several times before, the simple advice resounds so fresh and new to me in this moment. I will leave you with the passage because it says everything...

Matthew 6:25-34
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Amen.

Can Natural Living Become an Idol?

I can across this post today from a blog I read. Its a VERY good reminder...click here to read more...

Sleep, anyone?

10:15 went to bed (she did..I tossed and turned until...)
11:15 woke up to feed
11:40 went back to bed
2:15 woke up to feed (3 hours...wow!)
2:45 went back to bed
4:40 woke up to feed
5:05 went back to bed
5:15 woke up and cried. Inconsolable . Change diaper. Massaged belly. Got up and walked around with her. (despite my efforts to go prevent Jackson from hearing Madelyn he wakes up and asks for us)
5:50 went to sleep

This is becoming Madelyn's routine every night for a few weeks now, minus the crying. She only cried for a bit the last two nights. Its going to take more than caffeine to get through today. I feel almost as David did when he when he wrote Psalm 142.

"5 I cry to you, O Lord;
I say, 'You are my refuge,
my portion in the land of the living.'
6 Attend to my cry,
for I am brought very low!
Deliver me from my persecutors,
for they are too strong for me!
7 Bring me out of prison,
that I may give thanks to your name!
The righteous will surround me,
for you will deal bountifully with me."

Of course, David was in more of a pickle, but you get the idea! Sleep depravity is no piece of cake. I am keeping in mind that this is just a season. And, in the grand scheme of things, it truly is a short season. But at these wee hours of the morn, it seems long. Very long. I am thankful that the Lord is my portion and that I have more to look to than a cup of coffee to get me through today. Its a good thing, too, because I don't even like coffee!